My name is Jordan and I have been married to my husband for a little more than two years. We bought our first house a month after we married, and as soon as we moved in and got settled we decided that we would stop taking birth control precautions. I got my IUD out and was excited to "not, not try" to get pregnant. We were leaving it to the universe. "If it happens, it happens" We did that for about a year, and nothing. So then We decided to actually try. I started charting my periods, and testing for my ovulation dates. Every month I got negatives on pregnancy tests and would get more and more discouraged. I am in my mid twenties, I am not an older woman, It shouldn't be taking this long. My mother got pregnant by accident all three times she was pregnant so I figured it would just be easy for me. It isn't. I made several appointments with a fertility specialist and canceled them. I was too scared of the results, and in my mind I was telling myself I am overreacting I just need to keep trying. My turning point came when my sister in law told us she was pregnant. When she broke the news it felt like somebody had ripped out my heart and squeezed it until it disappeared. I was hurt, angry, sad, jealous, and happy for her at the same time. It is hard to explain to somebody that isn't in your situation that it is possible to be so very happy for somebody but so sad and angry, not at them, but at yourself, the world, the situation. I feel like a failure. After hearing about her baby, i realized she had not been trying very long, I started to realize that I should be worried. I scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN and she did an ultrasound. She said that I had a spot in one of my tubes that looked concerning so she is sending me out to get a test called an HSG. I'm not sure what that all entails, but I will share my experience when I get it done.
People all around me are getting pregnant with no struggle. Why is this happening to me? I have wanted nothing more than to be a mom and snuggle my baby and protect him or her and watch them grow. I look at baby things in the store and long to be able to buy them. The people that are getting pregnant now used to say it was strange for me to look at all the baby stuff. I felt like they didn't want it as bad as I did and still do. I realized I was thinking these things and it sounded hateful, and I have no place in deciding how others feel. I try my hardest to stay happy when another person tells me they are expecting, because I know it is not their fault that I am having a difficult time. I wanted to start this blog to share my journey to get pregnant and hopefully one day I can switch it up into a mommy blog. I know this first post was negative, but I want to stay positive and optimistic about the things to come and at the same time offer support to anybody that is maybe too scared to share their struggle, or can't find a good support system. Please leave a comment and a link to your blog so I can follow you! and follow me :)